1. Don’t you miss eating bacon? It’s so good!
The only thing we like better than resisting eating animal products is being constantly reminded that other people love consuming them. You make your choices and we make ours. Let us live in peace!
2. Are you sure you are vegan? You don’t look like one…
Um, do vegans have a “look” I am not aware of? Vegans come in all shapes and sizes, just like normal people. In fact, we are normal people, thank you very much.
3. Your food is the food my food eats.
Thanks, Ron Swanson, but my food is the food I eat. Your food can eat whatever it wants, just know that if it’s eating any of my food, I am staying away from it.
4. Oh shoot! I put chicken broth in that! Just kidding!
Har-har. Never heard that one before. Hey, guess what! That vegan dish I brought was made with moldy vegetables. I find it actually adds to the flavor! Because I miss meat so much! Not.
5. Do you eat animal crackers?
No, we cannot tell the difference between actual animal flesh and crackers shaped like animals. Fun fact: Barnum’s animal crackers are in fact vegan.
6. I don’t understand why you eat meat substitutes if you don’t eat meat/like the taste of meat.
My dad would say this a lot. Sometimes, there are reasons to be a vegan other than simply disliking the taste of meat. Also, meat substitutes often don’t even taste like meat at all. I happen to like what these things taste like. It’s like a whole new food group.
7. Who cares how an animal is treated if it’s just going to die anyway?
Who cares how you are treated if you are going to die anyway? Too easy.
8. I couldn’t ever do that. I don’t like salads.
I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t eat salads all that much. There are so many other delicious vegan options! Find a vegan blog or something.
9. Should I not be eating this in front of you?
I don’t really mind what you eat that much, but now that you’ve pointed this out, the situation has become much more awkward. Also, if I cared and was preachy enough to stop you from eating something you are in the process of already eating, you should probably find a nicer friend.
10. Aren’t you worried that vegetables have feelings too?
Aren’t you worried you might hurt your bed if you jump on it too much?
...Any other ones you guys have heard?