I usually try to keep my posts here pretty good-natured, but there are few things in this world that make me quite as angry as Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is, at least in my opinion, the worst holiday ever created. It claims to be about kindness and sharing and gratitude when, in fact, it’s all about carnage and deceit. Let’s ignore (for the moment) the millions of turkeys who are killed every year for this celebration of “thankfulness” and focus on the origins of the holiday.
The pilgrims come to American seeking freedom. They meet the Native Americans who help them and give them food. They are so “thankful” that a few years later they kill off nearly all of the Native Americans and take all of their land for themselves. Happy Thanksgiving!
Cut to today, where it is no more about being thankful than it was then. Now instead of killing other people, we just kill millions upon millions of turkeys. We sit around a table, with people we normally choose not to spend time with the rest of the year, and marvel at how beautiful the roasted and stuffed corpse in the center of the table is.
Thanksgiving is a celebration of everything that is wrong with our society. It is a day of gluttony, greed and murder. I find everything about it completely appalling. If there is one thing that bothers me more than anything though, it is people who call it “turkey day.” I am not someone who is easily offended. In fact you could say just about anything about me and I wouldn’t care. You could call me any name you can come up with. When people tell me to “have a happy turkey day” though, it takes all of my willpower not to knock all of their teeth out. As if what happens to turkeys on this day isn’t horrifying enough, we have to make a joke about it. I think the only way this holiday could get any more offensive is if people started referring to it as “Native American day.”
So to all of you out there having a vegan feast today and everyone, like me, who is just trying to ignore the day altogether, I want to thank you for doing your part to end the cruel and bloody tradition that we have come to know as “Thanksgiving.” If there is one thing I am thankful for today, it is all of you.
*Image courtesy Flickr creative commons.